Jewish Values Grandma Taught Me

My earliest memories take place in my grandmother’s living room having Rosh Hashanah dinner with my family. Even now I can smell the chicken soup with kreplach, brisket of beef, kugel, green beans, and a salad. Prior to Yom Kippur, Grandma would prepare an early meal before Kol Nidre services. In the mid-afternoon, when I was starving, she’d sneak me a bissle of chicken and a glass of cold water. 

My grandmother, Annie Cohen Friedman, escaped the pogroms of Eastern Europe and immigrated to the United States for a better life when she was in her late teens. In America, she met Adolph Friedman and the couple settled down in Freeport, New York to raise their family near a small shul a mile away. 

When Grandma was approximately the age I am now, she had a severe stroke and died six months later. She was my best friend, confident, and mentor. During my first decade she imparted to me many Jewish values that we celebrate during the High Holidays and throughout the year. 

Grandma taught me about forgiveness. “Hating,” she said, “is way too draining. Forgiving is easier and makes you feel clean.” And also, honesty. “Never lie, mien glick. Always tell the truth. That too is easier. Who can remember all the cobweb of lies when the truth is so much easier to recall?”

From my grandmother, I learned trust. “You show respect by trusting your neighbor. If and when they prove they can’t be trusted, that’s when you have nothing to do with them. But, if they ask for forgiveness, accept it, but be wary.”

Grandma believed in human dignity. During her early years she lived in Latvia where the state cancelled the rights of the individual. She saw friends and family members thrown into prison, persecuted, and even executed because they were Jews. She perceived America as a place where every person had the right of life, justice, and freedom to worship G-d in their own way. This was written in the Torah, and Americans lived it. 

During her final years, Grandma was near deaf. She would sit in a rocker staring out the window, but when I walked in her field of vision, she would smile. “Do you know why you’re here?” she asked me one day.

“To visit you, Grandma.”

She nodded. “But there is more.” She pointed to me and herself and the people driving by and walking on the sidewalk. “All of us. We’re here to help each other. Always think of the needs of others over the needs of self. I want you to grow up to be a mensch.”

Over the years I learned strangers must be treated with dignity. Always leave a place better than when you found it. Share your bread with the hungry, help the homeless and take care of people in need. All of these are Jewish values we celebrate on the holy days, and hopefully, all year long. 

This Jewish New Year of 5781, may we all follow my grandmother’s moral compass for our own well-being, and for the betterment of all.

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