The Best Birthday Party
I flew nearly 3000 miles to attend my Cousin Joni’s 80th birthday celebration on Saturday, March 30, 2024. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat because Joan Walden is that special.
When Joni was 12 years old, her mom died from a heart attack. Aunt Rose was in her early 40s leaving Joni motherless. Her father, Charlie, was my mom’s brother, so Mom took over the role as mother for her niece.
We were a close-knit family. Uncle Charlie lived a block away from my family and my grandparents lived in a brownstone apartment building about a half-mile from our Freeport, Long Island homes. We always celebrated birthdays and Thanksgiving together and the Jewish holidays including Passover, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, and Chanukkah.
After Aunt Rose died, Joni could often be found helping my mother in the kitchen talking about her problems, school, and I’m sure boys. Joni was a beautiful girl and probably attracted teenage boys like bees to flowers. For me, Joni has always felt like a sister.
As an adult I lost my hearing to a virus. I sought out the sage counsel of my first cousin. Joan advised me to attend a SHHH (Self-Help for the Hearing Impaired) meeting. That’s where I met the love of my life. A few years later, she decided to find out something about deafness by taking a class in ASL. It was only a semester, and she forgets everything she learned, but the effect of deafness on individuals, typical for an empathetic person.
When my youngest daughter went to law school in Boston, Joan took Koren under her wing inviting her and her husband to the same holiday events we celebrated as a family so many years ago. During the near decade Koren spent on the East Coast, she developed a loving relationship with our cousin, a relationship that filled my heart.
Joan, Koren, and Abel
When Koren and I received Joan’s invitation to attend her 80th birthday party, “Around the World in 80 Years,” we were both thrilled to accept. Yes, it meant a trip to West Hartford, Connecticut, but family events are so important to attend, and the memories are priceless.
Consequently, one Thursday night in March, Koren, her 15-month-old son, Abel, and I boarded a flight to Newark, New Jersey.
Koren wanted to make a few stops to see her best friend, who is pregnant and due yesterday, and her stepsisters Shelly and Karen. Which was all fine with me. I love my daughter’s loyalty and devotion to friends. (Joni is the same way.)
We drove a rental car to West Hartford and arrived in time for Shabbat dinner. Joni told us about what to expect the next day at her party, which I didn’t understand.
I turned to Koren and signed, “SHE SAY WHAT?”
“SHE HAVE THREE SPEACHES. SHE GIVE YOU A COPY OF EACH SO YOU CAN FOLLOW AND UNDERSTAND.”
Then I cried. No one. And I mean no hearing person ever thought of doing something like that for me. NEVER. Now you can understand why I love my cousin so much. She is sensitive, understanding, and compassionate.
Over 90 people attended “Around the World in 80 Years,” held at the Mandell Jewish Community Center a mile from her home. All of whom probably love her as much as I do. It began with a low impact aerobics class. For thirty years or more Joan has been an aerobics trainer. For this event she got everyone warmed up, taking about 10 minutes, and then invited one of her guests to teach the remainder of the 45-minute class. It was fun.
After the class, we met in the JCC’s dining room. Each of the ten tables had a centerpiece designating a country Joan had visited during her 80 years. We were called up according to table. And the food was yummy.
After everyone was served, Cousin Adam, Joan’s son, introduced his mother in an inspiring speech reminding listeners that comedy was a big part of his life growing up with his amazing mom. He talked about his Granddad Charlie, my favorite uncle, and Aunt Vivian, my mother. I never would have understood a word he said without the transcript of the speech sitting in front of me. The joy from the memories Adam shared brought me to tears.
Then Cousin Joni stood to talk to her family and friends. She had prepared a slide show that included most of the people in attendance, and in her speech, she made sure to mention almost every person there in a personal and special way. It was interesting and inclusive— something most people would have had trouble pulling off.
Not Joni. During her life she was a secretary, party planner, writer, aerobics instructor, and currently a professor at Central Connecticut State University.
The event was a huge success. On the way back to the airport, my daughter agreed with me that all the expense and shlepping was worth it. Plus, the East Coast family had the opportunity to meet baby Abel, who was an angel throughout the experience.
