Why It’s Important to Be Kind to Yourself

In my March 7, 2021 blog post, “Why Practice Acts of Kindness?” I concluded that kindness to others reduces depression, provides you with a happier existence, and you will experience fewer aches and pains. Just as important as being kind to others, it’s also important to practice self-kindness. Why? How you treat yourself sets the tone for how others will treat you. 

According to Marelisa Fabrega, a lawyer and entrepreneur, there are “17 Ways to Be Kind to Yourself.” We will discuss a few of her ideas here:

First, make sure you give yourself some “me time” every day. I do this by exercising or training and walking my dog. Others draw, play a musical instrument, or write stories. Writing stories was what I did when I taught elementary school full time. After a severe hearing loss, I turned that hobby into a career. You never know if “me-time” will bear fruit, but it does provide joy and inner peace. 

Next, cultivate what Fabrega calls your inner advocate. Here’s an example: I bought a 2021 Mini Cooper in November. Earlier this week I scratched the side by brushing up next to a brick wall. My inner critic yelled, “What is wrong with you? How could you do such a stupid thing?” Then my inner advocate stepped up to bat. “Just look at all the cars on the street with dents and scratches. It happens. We’ll take the car in for its yearly tune-up in November and the dealer will fix it. Not a big deal!?” I messed up, but eventually let it go and forgave myself and resolved to be more careful in the future. 

Showing self-respect means trusting yourself to make a good call, and not comparing yourself to others. Growing up with a twin brother excelling in sports made this a tough concept to learn. Elliott was an excellent athlete excelling in basketball, football, and especially baseball. Throw a ball at me and I’d duck. Since I failed miserably at sports, I took up the violin and excelled in my school work. I decided not to compare myself to my twin and just be the best me I could become. 

When I make a promise to myself, I keep it. Here’s an example: When I was 27 a friend got me interested in jogging. I liked it and promised myself I’d make a habit of daily exercise because too many family members died from heart attacks or strokes at an early age. It was a long-term promise with life-long consequences. Today, at 72 I’ve been exercising regularly for 45 years. I don’t need heart medication, my blood pressure is normal, I’m not obese, and in pretty good health. I’m sure one day I’ll be joining my loved ones, but I’ll be a super altakaka by then. 

Honor your dreams. My x-wife derided me for dreaming. For me, that was like telling me not to breathe. Years later, my second wife encouraged my fantasies and during the course of our relationship I wrote five novels, two of which won awards. I took my dreams seriously and turned them into goals. After Jila’s death in 2015, I took all the stories she told me about her life and wrote a fictionalized account of her experiences in a novel entitled, “The Lip Reader.” Currently, I’m working on finding an agent or publisher and if that doesn’t materialize, I’ll self-publish. 

Being kind to self means showing compassion directed at self. If something goes wrong in your life, think of what you’d say to someone you love. Say self-encouraging words to reassure self and make yourself feel cared for and loved. When I scratched up my new car, I eventually treated myself to kindness and showed respect to me, my best friend. 

My grandma died when I was 10; Grandpa and assorted aunts and uncles soon followed. I have lost my parents to heart disease and the love of my life to cancer. They are all gone, but the one person in the world that I’ll always have a relationship with is myself. I strongly suggest you be kind to this life-long companion for a happier and more fruitful life.