Let’s Be More Like Aaron: A Peacemaker

Aaron, Moses’ elder brother, is the only biblical figure whose yahrzeit is provided by the Torah. Numbers 33.38 says, “Aaron the kohen ascended Mount Hor at the Lord’s bidding and died there, on the first day of the fifth month in the fortieth year of the children of Israel’s exodus from Egypt.” Not even Moses’ nor Miriam’s deaths are specified in the Torah. So, why Aaron?

According to the Book of Exodus, Aaron died when he was 123 years old on the first day of the month of Av. He was the first Cohen Gadol (High Priest) who served the original temple, the Mishkan-Tabernacle, in the desert. Most importantly, Aaron was a pursuer of peace who helped people find common ground and work out their differences. 

The Torah teaches us to emulate Aaron by pursuing peaceful activities to counter the energies of hate and rage we see too much on the Internet, news and headlines. How can each one of us be a peacemaker?

First of all, you don’t want to be a peacekeeper. In my first marriage, I was a peacekeeper. It didn’t work. I walked on eggshells not to upset my wife and hid my true feelings to prevent arguments. I worked overtime to avoid conflict and got walked over as her response. It took me two years of therapy to realize if I wanted to save my marriage, I needed to be a peacemaker.

To be a peacemaker one must stand firm and know that it is only when expectations are mutually agreed upon and adhered to will there be peace. If expectations aren’t followed, backing down to avoid conflict isn’t the answer, for it won’t establish real peace. (Think PM Neville Chamberlain his appeasement toward Hitler.) Peace is only attained when all parties are aware of the agreement and when one falls short of that, they need to ask forgiveness and repent. 

After therapy, I sat down with my wife and talked about what we could do to save our marriage. I gave specific details of what I wanted, and to my surprise, she agreed. However, she didn’t comply, and we divorced the following year. 

Together, we had two daughters, who I shared joint custody. Since their mother was focused on building a new business, my girls spent most of their childhood with me. When they were young my goal was to teach them how to play nicely together. The youngest one caused the conflict while the older one played the role of peacekeeper. I taught them about mutual respect and how to show it. While playing a board game one had to follow the rules set up by both parties prior to the beginning of play. I also taught them that they would have many different friends over their lifetime, but their best and always friend was sitting right in front of her. Today my daughters see each other at least once a week to discuss their lives and touch bases with each other. Perhaps my daughters compare me to Aaron, but I kind of doubt it. All I’m concerned about is the results. Mission accomplished. 

The Torah teaches us to emulate Aaron by pursuing peaceful activities to counter the energies of hate and rage in our world. This doesn’t start at a United Nations Security Council meeting, but in your own homes. Work on improving your relationship with your spouse, children, and loved ones. Forget showering gifts on your kids; it’s more important that you spend lots and lots of time with them, and make sure you tell them how much you love them. 

Kylie Ora Lobell, Community Editor, Jewish Journal, writes, “According to Chabad, when Aaron passed away, 80,000 Jewish boys were named after him.” Aaron had helped 80,000 Jewish couples reconcile their differences. 

How can we be more like Aaron? My grandfather talked so nicely to his customers, but when he addressed his daughter, son, and wife, there was an edge to his voice I didn’t hear when speaking to those strangers. I thought that odd. Over the years, I learned to do the opposite. Family should be treated better than how we interact with people we are doing business. If there’s a problem, we need to sit down, explain our concerns and work out an agreement we can all live with. Compromise is the word of the day and something all of us need to learn for a long a lasting peace. 

When walking my dog I pass many different people on the streets of Encino. I try to see the good in each one of them. So, what if Anne is a Trump supporter or Phillip a Democrat? There’s more to a person than their political leanings. 

Aaron and Moses lived in a time where the eldest brother was the family leader if the father was not present or deceased. In this context, Aaron was wise to let his younger brother lead without descent. This must have been a blow to his ego and taken a lot of self-control to contain any anger or jealousy. It is a wonderful example for all of us to follow. Smother our own longing for power and recognition for the better good. 

Aaron was not the kind of person who tried to impress people with false knowledge and lies. His actions were for the general welfare of the Israelites. Our takeaway is that what’s good for the people in our lives is truth. If we are working with others on certain goals, a plan must be proposed, discussed, and agreed upon for the best outcome for all. 

This type of scenario is often seen at work. The boss has the power to build up his employees or to tear them down. Her choice of words has a lot of power. She can reassure, protect, and support us. “If you need assistance, please come to me. I won’t hold it against you.” And if we do screw up, she criticizes the action, and not the person. For example, I worked for two principals. Principal A would call me into her office and say, “I love the way you’re running our reading department. However, your recent order doesn’t make sense to me. Please explain.” Principal B didn’t call me to her office but came to my classroom with the intention of embarrassing me in front of my students. “Why are you teaching profanity to these children?” (I taught them the sign for bathroom which she misunderstood as a bad word in Armenian culture.) Principal B should have discussed this privately with me instead of resorting to humiliation. 

Our words and actions have power. Use that power for the betterment of others by being kind and genuine to others. Hillel, the great rabbi and sage once said, “Be a disciple of Aaron—a lover of peace, a pursuer of peace.”

I give you Aaron’s Blessing: “The Lord blesses you and keeps you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.” Amen.