What should I do when my child lies?

According to the Washington Post, President Trump has told more than five thousand false or misleading statements since taking office in January 2017. What message does that send our children and what can we do about it?

The message isn’t a positive one. The president is sending an example too many children will emulate.So what can parents do about this conundrum? First, when confronting a child with a falsehood, DON’T call him a liar. This sends a strong message that you think he’s a bad boy and this negative perception will more than likely promote more lying.

Let’s look at an example. Your daughter comes home from school one day and announces, “I got an A on my book report.” A few weeks later you receive a report card stating she earned a C on that paper. Let’s look at it from your daughter’s point of view. Perhaps, once completing the report, she felt she did really well on this assignment and conveyed that enthusiasm when she said, “I got an A.” When she got the real grade, she was too embarrassed to say anything. Makes sense?

As a parent, it’s your job not to give your child’s lies too much power. James Lehman, MSW, a renowned child behavioral therapist, says, “If he [a child] can get power over you by telling you a lie, he’ll use dishonesty to get that power. He’ll withhold information and lie by omission when you are trying to get the truth.” 

So here’s what I suggest you do. First, accept what your children say to you as the gospel truth. However, if you sense that your kid is telling you a fib, do the research to uncover the facts. Once the evidence is available, confront your child with it. Then say, “You told me one thing when this evidence suggests another. Please explain.”

Do not get into an argument. Just listen to your child’s explanation.

You don’t want to make your child’s lies a moral issue. It is a technical issue. He broke an important bond—your trust. Ask, “What were you trying to accomplish by telling me your story?” After listening to his response, say, “Lying is not the way to resolve your problems.” Then explain what will happen if he lies again:

1. He’ll be grounded for 2 days.
2. His cell phone will be taken for 48 hours.
3. No computer time for 3 days.

Find something your child loves and take it away from her for a few days. When faced with telling the truth or lying your child will decide on truth over a lie to avoid the heinous punishment outlined above. Just make sure you follow through.