Why Ask for Forgiveness?

The harvest month of Elul begins August 26, 2022. When the Hebrews returned from Babylonian captivity, they brought with them the names of the months in Akkadian, an ancient Babylonia language. In the biblical calendar, Elul is set apart for repentance (teshuvah) in spiritual preparation for the Jewish High Holidays. Even the shofar is blown during this month to remind people to repent. Over the centuries it has become customary during Elul for people to say, “May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year.” [Ketivah v’chatimah tovah.]

To be blessed in the coming year, one needs to repent. According to the Oxford Dictionary, repent means to express sincere regret or remorse for one’s wrong doings or sins. In other words, you have wronged a friend and need to ask for forgiveness.

Why is it important to ask for forgiveness? It’s a mitzvah. The Torah pushes forgiveness and forbids revenge. Leviticus 19:18 says, “Do not hate your brother in your heart.” Showing the ability to seek forgiveness and overcome the instinct to retaliate shows pureness of heart. 

If you hold a grudge against someone, look beyond the act that formed the grudge and search for the good qualities of that person. Once you’ve truly forgiven them, the negative feelings you attributed to him/her will dissipate. Because of that act of forgiveness, you will feel a lot better.

 When I lost my hearing at age 44, I blamed G-d. Eventually, I realized it was a test. I didn’t decide deafness for myself. But I did decide what I needed to do: Learn ASL, study Deaf culture, befriend other deaf and hard-of-hearing people and learn the craft of the writer. That has worked for me. I’ve forgiven G-d, am near-fluent in ASL, made a few Deaf friends, and wrote six books to show for it. 

What about a transgression I’ve committed against another person? There’s trauma asking another to forgive us for bad behavior. If you’re truly repentant, the person you are speaking to may forgive you. But going through this ordeal will remind you to think twice before hurting someone again. 

How about the guilt? Sometimes it’s tough to forgive oneself for an action you committed. If you found the courage to ask forgiveness, that shows strength. Though Will Smith’s hitting Chris Rock during the 2022 Academy Awards was an act of revenge, Smith reached inside himself and performed teshuvah. This took great courage. I hope he uses that strength to forgive himself and move on. 

We have entered the month of Elul, the time of year set aside on the Jewish calendar for teshuvah. If you’ve violated a friendship, hurt someone’s feelings, or committed some other sin, this is the time to ask for forgiveness. Once you’ve done so with pure heart, use that strength to move ahead. 

Shanah Tovah (Happy New Year)

Michael Thal is the author of The Lip Reader.